New Jersey Traffic

I have a theory about New Jersey traffic. At any given time I would guess that about 20% of the people on the road are lost. Lost people speed up and slow down because they don't know where they are and are trying to read the signs. New Jersey puts their signs up according to the township that you are currently driving through, no matter that some townships are only a few feet accross. If that weren't bad enough, some roads go from one lane then to two lanes, then to one lane roads within a 400 feet distance. Oh, and the left hand turns are really jug handles; not the kind you hold onto to drink but the kind that make you stop three times, and be three times as likely to have an accident, when you are trying to turn left.

To add to the confusion, New Jersey has round-abouts sprinkled around any major traffic hub. Oh, and if you are stuck in traffic, anything goes to get out of it. Even the police have had to adapt and rarely pull people over for small infractions. They must understand that a good number of people on the road are lost and they'd have to give directions if they pull too many people over (which they don't have because they don't know the roads either). They have a polite 'bree-ur-bree-ur' when they want you to pull over so they can pass you and get on with life.

What does this all add up to? Craziness. Stop-and-go traffic and swerving, sweating, and sometimes swearing drivers. Oh yes, and honking too. Honking is an art in New Jersey. There is the polite millisecond honk that lets you know that you haven't hit the gas and the light turned green a millisecond ago. There is the second-long honk that says 'Get out of the way' or 'What do you think you are doing?'. And there is the loud drawn out honk that can mean, 'You idiot! How dare you cut me off first?' or it could be teenagers just scaring their fellow Jersey driver friends for fun. If they are really upset there is a combination of the three. It can sound like 'Beeeeeep beep beeeeep beeeeep bep beeeeep'. If you are not a veteran of the New Jersey traffic it can be a whole new world, one that reduces you to a puddle of anxiety every time you think about leaving the house.

Fortunately, I am now a veteran. Like all other New Jersey-ians I know that the fast lane is really on the right, that the turning lane is in the middle (because it could really go either way), and the best way to cut in is to just do it and then wave courteously because you won't go anywhere if you wait for an opening. I've also learned to pass on the right or you will get stuck behind a turning car and everyone will pass you. I don't even notice the honking anymore.